We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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