Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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