Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize