fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
