After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
