Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
