Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
