"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
