Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
