Where did you get a picture of my penis
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
