we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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