Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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