So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We are two peas in an std pod
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
