they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
