I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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