Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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