No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
