I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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