All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
