well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
