Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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