ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
