On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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