Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
