Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Shame - the story of my life.
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