This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
