omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
