How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
