made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
