we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
