You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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