good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
