I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
