Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
