All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
