recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
