so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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