i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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