you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
