Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
