You work out of a Hotel?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
