I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
