so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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