I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
