I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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