STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
