i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
