I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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