Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
