yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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