I've blown a few things in my day
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Enjoy the penises
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
