Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
