Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
