PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
