Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
