By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
