on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
