I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
