he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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