And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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