I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
