Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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