i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
