Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
