I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
