how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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