it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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