She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
