today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
