Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
