maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
