I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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