My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
