how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
