who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
