I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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