the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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