mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
